Has smash patty mania run its course? These days we’re using both hands to bite into San Antonio’s most outrageous burgers. These seven Alamo City joints know that less isn’t more, topping buns with thick slabs of beef, a tower of toppings, and enough cheese for a Wisconsin potluck. Forget those puny handhelds; it’s time to go big, or go home.
Bunz Handcrafted Burgers
Think plant-based burgers have to be wholesome? This downtown joint gives sprouts a hard pass. The Vegan Bunz festoons a Beyond patty with non-dairy Cheddar, roasted poblano peppers, a snarl of caramelized onions, and a scandalous smear of mayo — all held together by a skewer. Where’s the beef? Nowhere. But we think Clara Peller is downing them in heaven.
SA Fredericksburgers
Bordering OP Schnabel Park, this classic has fun imagining city roads as burgers. Huebner has mushrooms and Swiss; Zarzamora gets ham and avocado. But you’re here for the big ‘uns, and that requires a whole town. The Big Boerne fills those Hill Country skies with three patties, three slices of Cheddar, and a whole mess of bacon and grilled onions.
We'll always sing the praises of Benjie's Munch.Benjie's Munch/ Facebook
Benjie’s Munch
Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night? Grab some afternoon delight with this Far North haunt’s Rocket Burger, a gourmet giant with arugula, red onion jam, and a blanket of gouda. If that’s not enough to make the sparks ignite, wrap your hands around the Keto Burger, a protein-packed combo that adds bacon, Provolone, Mozzarella, and a fried egg to the patty, tossing aside the bun in all that carnivore passion.
Cuarto de Kilo Burgers
The only U.S. outpost of a famed Mexican burger chain, this Far West Side joint makes Dairy Queen’s quarter pounder seem downright demure. Open wide (or maybe unhinge your jaw) for the Cuatro BBQ cheeseburger, a meaty skyscraper built from a half-pound patty, American cheese, and onion rings. Or go feral over the Cuatro Beastly, a bacon-topped whopper oozing with pepper jack and the restaurant’s ferocious bestia sauce.
Even the sliders have oomph at Tycoon Flats.Tycoon Flats/ Facebook
Tycoon Flats
We have a sneaking suspicion that this St. Mary’s Strip staple invents its burgers on a prize wheel. Spin once, and you get a bean burger. Spin three times and win big with fried apples, blue cheese, and bacon teetering on a bun. But why take one turn when you can have three? Order three specialty tykes — the spot’s slider sampler —and mix and match all sorts of zany combinations. At $18.95, the price is certainly right.
Mark's Outing
This East Side staple’s main claim to fame is the hefty Fatty's Burger, a workaday option known as much for its perfect execution as its gargantuan size. From there, the joint gets a little more baroque, layering sautéed mushrooms, avocado slices, or even a scoop of fried ice cream. All shrink in comparison to its two-pound goliath. Eat it all, and you’ll find your glamor shot on the wall of fame.
Burgers vs. Tacos
Turns out that San Antonio's top taquero couple know their way around a bun as much as a tortilla. Charlie Gonzalez and Gaby Hinojosa, the pair behind Panfila Cantina, frame this Oak Hills spot as a friendly rivalry, and both punch well above their weight. But if you’re the betting kind, try the Kung Fu Burger piled with white Cheddar, Napa cabbage slaw, and char siu pork.
The Brooklynite in its heydey.Photo courtesy of Jeret Peña.