The San Antonio Zoo is once again giving in to peak pettiness. The Alamo City institution is bringing back its Cry Me a Cockroach Valentine’s Day fundraiser, allowing spurned lovers a chance to get sweet, sweet revenge.

The annual promotion works like this: Shell out $5 to name a cockroach or vegetable after a not-so pleasant ex, then watch as zookeepers feed it to an animal. A $15 donation gives locals the chance to name a rodent, who may or may not escape.

If donors want to get messy, they can download a video of the roach (or veggie) buffet to post on social media. We suggest accompanying it with any track from Lily Allen’s 2025 breakup opus, West End Girl.

The zoo is also bringing back several popular events for those who are still in the throes of romance, including intimate Naughty by Nature VIP tours of the park and the Wild at Heart dining experience in the hippo viewing cave.

Animal Kiss-o-Grams, videos of animals booping the camera, are available for $10. Less conventional couples can also take home the Hippo Love Candle for $15.99, scented by the “ultimate cologne in the hippo world,” poop. It may be an unlikely accompaniment to snogging, but it is a chance to scandalize a Yankee Candle-loving in-law.

Lastly, the zoo is again playing cupid through its 21-plus Meet Your Next Ex event on February 7. The $37.85 ticket gives singles access to the ultimate mixer with drinks, a variety show, icebreaking games, and color-coded stickers that let other guests know you’re on the prowl.

Donations made to any of the campaigns are tax-deductible and raise funds for the zoo’s educational programs, animal care, and wildlife conservation. Moony couples and feisty free agents can find more details on the San Antonio Zoo’s website.